I love America!

Thurs 11^th

Went to Kabira to type up blog. Had nachos. 

Felt depressed.

John cheered me up with a chat about the possibility of helping adults to read and write.

Fri 12^th

Pamper morning in Uganda = washed hair and shaved armpits and legs = normal morning in England.

Had the Americans over to the centre and played the chocolate game, spoons, and psychiatrist. Illnesses included being Bailey, being children and being racist Africans. They had never played the chocolate game before. Deprived.

Craig very excited to see a) a TV and b) The Discovery Channel.

Sat 13^th

Walked into Ntinda with Beki who was told by a passing man called Patrick to, ‘dress like an African’. Small debate about clothing, modesty and the fact that Beki isn’t African.

Watched Beki have extensions put in her hair. For three hours.

Played psychiatrist. Our illnesses will not be repeated here.

Went to Bancafe Coffee for our last night with Paula and Rachel before they return to Chicago.

Sun 14^th

Went to Watoto Church Central. Craig played lead guitar and a solo during the collection. Go Craig!

A man called Humphrey preached.

Bought a dress from the craft market.

Asked God for a sign about a job in Uganda and he gave me a big one. Go God!

Paula left for Chicago. Sad times.

Mon 15^th

Put new dress on and went for breakfast.

Me: Morning Ephraim. Do you like my new dress?

Ephraim: Yes. I like it. Thank you for buying it.

Me: That’s ok.

Started application form.

Met Rachel at Nob View Hotel for last swimming before she goes home.

Said goodbye to Rachel then bumped into her at the gym. Said goodbye again then bumped into her at the internet cafe. Walked to Quality Supermarket and said goodbye.

Tues 16^th

Beki rang at 8am to say she had gone into work but there was no one there because it was a public holiday and no one had told her.

Decided to surprise Rachel by going to the Americans’ house.

Took Rachel’s braids out.

Had an American geography lesson.

All went to the pool.

Beki said her ideal honeymoon would be two weeks going round Disney World Florida in a fat suit.

Said goodbye to Rachel for the last time. Sad times.

Had pizza and a glass of wine. Mmmmmmm.

Wed 17^th

Rained after two days of no rain.

Played with Anita.

Did more of application form.

Thurs 18^th

Sent application form in after praying over the email.

Rachel Hall and Jenny arrived! Wahoo!

Just creepin

Thurs 4^th

Went on a TV report with Jonathan who very very nearly fell down a manhole backwards.

Got caught in rain on boda boda. Large 4x4 drove past and covered me in dirty water.

Accidentally ate some ants that had crawled up the hollow stick of my lollipop. Eew.

Fri 5^th

Had a dream last night that mum was still alive and it had all been a horrible prank. Woke up and felt sad.

John’s mum, ‘maama’, came to stay. John says my Luganda is better than her English. Mmm awkward.

Watched my first ever live basketball game with Beki, Kelsey, Craig and Rachel. Two blue teams playing. The blue team won.

Went to casino to see what it was like. Eastern European Mzungus dancing. Didn’t understand anything that was going on. Left.

Danced night away at Boda Boda club with Beki. Could have been in London. Great night.

Sat 6^th

Woke up at 12pm in Beki’s flat.

Had an argument in Ntinda Shopping Centre with the toilet attendant who asked me to pay for using it but wouldn’t tell me how much he wanted. Kept asking him but eventually told him if he wasn’t going to tell me, I wasn’t going to pay and walked away. Is there some toilet etiquette here that I don’t know?

Went for dinner at ‘Spur’, a lovely American style diner with Beki and the Americans.

Made our way to ‘Alleygators’, the bowling alley slash karaoke bar slash club.

In Alleygators a guy was freestyling on the karaoke to 50Cent’s ‘In Da Club’. Extract: ‘When I say OJ you say OJ’. Who or what is OJ? Orange Juice??


Scored a grand total of 5 singing 'Hit me baby one more time' with the girls.

Went to Iguanas club. Was asked if I was over 18. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

Sun 7^th

Woke up late.

John got the most unlikely ringtone ever – Museveni’s rap.

Went with Americans to their friend Jeff’s gospel concert.

5pm. Arrived at the church at specified time only to be told we were late. Walked in – no people.


6.30pm. Finally the MC came out. Wished he hadn’t. Needed a Ugandan English to actual English translator.

7pm. The place filled up a bit and I was picked to pray for the event. Quite difficult when you don’t really know what event you are at. Did it anyway.

My name is such a problem. Think I might change it. Any suggestions?

MC: ‘What is your name?’

Me: ‘Fran’

MC: Blank stare ‘Huh?’

Me: ‘Fran – Frances’

MC: ‘Oh, does that mean you can speak French then?’

Me: ‘Yes, that totally follows.’

(Note: this conversation mirrors most conversations involving my name.)

Me to Rachel: ‘I’m so over this guy.’

Rachel: ‘I was over him yesterday.’

7.30pm. Various different performers came on stage and sang.

8pm. Jeff actually appeared. Very good. Turns out it was the launch event for his first album. Who knew?!

Mon 8^th

Watched Jonathan having a debate about politics on UBC. Very proud.

Made and put up a sign outside John’s house telling people if they dump rubbish they will be fined 100,000 shillings by the local council i.e. John.

John told me that many people who have a phone here have no idea what it can do because they can’t actually recognise letters or numbers. So perhaps a friend will have shown them that the green key means answer and the red key means hang up and, for example, press the third key from the left and you’re calling Bob. I may seem stupid but this is a revelation to me.

‘Ali’, the sweetest guy at Kabira Country Club gave me 2,000 shillings from the till because I didn’t have enough money to get back home.

Tues 9^th

John and I had another of our chats, this time about training versus culture. Apparently the custom here in hotels and restaurants is to leave the customer for approximately an hour before the waiter comes to take an order. To attend the table quickly is very rude. This explains a lot.

Cleared up all rubbish from rubbish dump that has appeared outside John’s house. Caused much hilarity amongst passing Ugandans. Had small audience at one point. Didn’t think it was that funny.

Spent most of afternoon doing a PowerPoint presentation about the UK for the children at Joy Kim’s place. Must go back one Saturday.

Wed 10^th

Woke up with massive spot in between my eyebrows. Perfect.

Later in the day, watching the news, Ephraim asked me if I liked spots. Got very offended and said ‘no not really’. Sophie and I very confused until it turned out he meant ‘sports’! Unfortunate coincidence.

Took 2,000 shillings back to Ali. Asked for my number. Actually didn’t mind giving it to him.

Still concerned about the people who can’t read. Talking to John about what I can do about it, as reading and writing is my passion. He says I can do something but doesn’t know exactly what. I suggested I could advertise lessons for learning to read but then we realised they wouldn’t be able to read the advert...


Went to another basketball game. Couldn't have chosen a worse place to sit for 2 main reasons:
a. The woman sitting behind me screamed 'deefence!' in my right ear for pretty much the entire game and she didn't lose her voice.
b. Halfway into the game the ball came flying towards Rachel and me and smacked us both in the face.


Good game though.

My cousin Rachel is coming in a week and one day! Woohoo!

A month gone

Thurs 28^th

Grace’s sister Julie’s 7^th birthday. Gave her 2 lollies, a Happy Families game, and 2 books - Went off to school clutching them.

Peter rang me from a different number. Blocked that one.

Grace and I caught a bus to Kampala. Didn't set on fire.

Halfway to Kampala paid 200shillings for the privilege of going to a latrine with no toilet paper where women were peeing in front of each other and standing in everyone else’s urine.

So hungry, ate a boiled egg from side of road. Mistake?

Luganda words learnt:

Fufu – dust

Fri 29^th

Eight guests descended late the previous night to stay in our apartments. Woke me up at 7am singing gospel songs.

Put together a portfolio of work to send to Beki’s work for them to consider. Fingers crossed for a job. Turns out I have done quite a lot of good stuff!

Found a body spray called ‘Tramp’. Bought it immediately. *

*This is a lie.

Sat 30^th

Ate a rolex for lunch.

Shared a boda boda to town with Bailey. New motto – ‘arrive alive’.

Went to massive market with Beki and Americans.

A man with no fingers asked us for money. Unsure whether to give money or offer to pray or neither or both.

Men in the market place tried to entice us to buy their products by calling us names including but not limited to: Baby, Sweetheart, Sister, Darling, Christina, Betty, and saying ‘you are my size’. I think you’ll find you’re not mine.

Feet so muddy I bought a cheap towel to wipe them and threw it away.

Washing feet with Kelsey and completely forgot I was in Africa for a second.

Eight guests at centre singing songs until 1am.

Sun 31^st

Beki and I woken up at 8am by singing guests.

Went to Watoto Church Central with Americans. Very good. A man from Dagenham preached.

Bailey, Kelsey, Beki, Jolene and I made cookies – most proud of my giraffe cookie.

All bought pumpkins to carve. Caused an African stir by walking through the street with multiple pumpkins -  everyone very confused. (Bailey – I just remembered I owe you 2,000 for my pumpkin)

Carved my first ever pumpkin! Success.

Mon 1^st Nov

Went to internet cafe and power went off three times for up to half an hour each time. Very frustrating.

Met a man who actually didn’t ask for my number! Bit offended.

Tues 2^nd

Went to two schools with Americans. Very interesting. Felt very moved in fellowship time.

Discovered that lollipops are called ‘suckers’ in America.

Woman behind desk at internet cafe ignored me for approximately three minutes.

Discussed mannerisms at the centre. Apparently I have a different walk in the mornings.

Luganda phrase learnt:

Ogenda wa leero? – Where are you going today?

Wed 3^rd

Chopped down a banana tree with a machete under John’s instruction.

Discussed with John what extremes we would go to if we were stranded on a desert island and hungry.

Met Jonathan, Claire and Esther for dinner. Watched Jonathan’s news report on TV.

If there was an award for the rudest waitress in Africa, ‘Rebecca’ from Jonathan’s hotel would win hands down.

Luganda words learnt:

Funa – get

Kaaba – cry

Fumba - cook

Week the third

Thurs 21st

Lazy day.
Packed clothes and medication to take to Zoe and Hannah at campsite. Took ages.
Went to ‘Quality Supermarket’ to get Pringles, tuna and chocolate for Zoe and Hannah. No chocolate anywhere. Disaster.
Sign in car park said if you park for more than 2 hours your car will be clumped.

Fri 22nd

Set off to campsite 9.30am with Tim and John.
Vehicle windscreen cracked. Had to be ‘fixed’ at the garage, the process partly involving covering the crack with cellotape.
Stopped at hotel halfway to campsite. Strange bar with identity crisis – illuminous walls, British seaside pictures, Hollywood film memorabilia, Bollywood film memorabilia, African statues, Irish banners, and the piece de resistance, a poster of George W Bush.
Arrived at campsite 6.30pm. Good to see Zoe and Han.

Sat 23rd

Went swimming at Kingfisher Lodge. Met the German owner, Mr Fisher, who asked me to bow in front of him. I don’t think so.
Slept in a tent. Had a lovely dream I was in a big bubbly bubble bath.

Sun 24th

Went to Kingfisher with Tim, Zoe and Han for drinks and food.
Massive storm. Sudden phone call from John at campsite saying he was in a bush trying to find 100,000 shillings (£30ish) blown away by wind.
Left John to it and decided a good use of our time would be to stick various objects to our faces. (See pictures)
Zoe fell asleep while I was talking to her. Nice.

Mon 25th

Tim and John left for Kampala at 6am. I woke up at 10am.
Decided to look in bushes for shillings.
Small child said, ‘Are you looking for your money?’
I said, ‘How do you know?’
Small child shrugged and walked off.
Strangely, didn’t find our money.
Caught death bus to Mbarara with a Rastafarian called Brown.
Almost to Mbarara when bus overheated and set on fire. All off bus.
Arrived at Pastor Emmy’s. Great to see everyone.
Luganda phrases learnt:
Tu gende ka kati! – Let’s go, now!
Ndi steady – I’m steady
Ndi easy – I’ll let you work that one out. (Perhaps not one I’ll be using that often.)

Tues 26th

Have been given an African name by Grace – Kirabo (Gift)
Was asked whether the spots on my face were mosquito bites.
A drunk man in the street said, ‘you think you are better than us Africans,’ before trying to push me and then falling on the floor.
Went to orphanage school. Spoke to children in main hall. So great to see how the children I first met in 2006 have changed.
Zoe rang in evening to say her and Han were in a bar in Mbarara. Noah and Bonnie took me over.
Zoe and Han were with a guy called Milton from the village and Milton’s relatives. Sat next to a 40 year old man called Peter, one of the relatives. Swapped numbers. Mistake. Why don’t I learn?!

Wed 27th

Had Honey Stars for breakfast. Somewhat akin to Honey Nut Loops. Tasty.
Taken to see the new site for the school and orphanage. Essentially an entire hill.
Found a blackberry bush. Ate a blackberry. They taste exactly the same as in the UK.
New driver whose name appears to be One By One.
Peter rang. Told him I was busy. Blocked Peter’s number.
Went back to orphanage for ‘fellowship’. Realised when I got there that they wanted me to preach! Prayed. Had to quickly write short talk notes on phone. Went very well. Thanks Lord.
Had to think of games to play on the field – did quite well – duck duck goose, cat and mouse, simon says, hokey cokey, and then gave up and threw frisbees around.
Went to trade show. Touched a camel. Nearly ate my arm.
Luganda phrase learnt: Oli bulungi? – Are you ok?

My bloggie wog

Thurs 14th

Went to medical centre to paint door frames with John and a man called Mr Bin. Felt sick from paraffin inhalation.

Played with a girl called Winnie. Realised I had forgotten what the 3^rd and 4^th pigs do in ‘this little piggy went to market’.

New Luganda words learnt: Gulawo – Open

Myembe - Mangoes

Muembe – A mango
Fri 15th


Tim arrived at the centre 10.30am. Good to see another mzungu.


Went to bar with internet. Talked to Rosie, Keren, dad (capital D??) and Laura on Skype. A man called Dennis told me I was talking very loudly and then told me I was 'really striking'. Thanks, I think. Swapped numbers. Mistake.


Beki Bayliss arrived at the centre in the evening for the weekend.


Sat 16th


Went to Speke hotel resort. Swanky. Wanted to swim but it was 20,000 shillings - £6! I wouldn't pay £6 to swim in the UK let alone in Uganda.

Beki tried to persuade me to go horse riding. She didn't win.

Went to Garden City in evening - western shopping centre. Met Beki's American missionary friends who are now my American missionary friends. Went for ice cream. (Imagine strong Texan accent here.) 

Dennis rang. Told him I was busy.

Have known Beki for a day. Feel as though I've known her for a year.

Sun 17th

Went to Joy Kim's church with Tim, Beki and John. Expected to see congregation of adults. In reality, pretty much a sunday school. Good though.

Spoke at the front. Tried out my Luganda. They loved it.

Went to see Ndere Troupe dancing again in evening. Met Jonathan and his new girlfriend.

Large seed fell from the tree above us, narrowly missing Tim's head.

New Luganda phrase learnt: Mbera bu ge leeza - I am from England.

Mon 18th

Visited school in medical centre village. Headmistress said teacher off sick. Said I'd go and visit her.

Arrived at teacher's house. Didn't look that sick. Asked her what was wrong. Answer: Fatigue! Gave her a Pringle. She seemed to enjoy it.

Task from Tim: find a young lady in the village fluent in English. Found two. Task completed.

Ate yams for first and last time ever.

Picked up Beki. Played spot the mzungu in the car. Beki won 13:4. Dismal.

Beki and I invited to Americans' for evening meal. Sent text to say we were coming. Got to area and rang for directions but no answer. Had to find house by ourselves in dark and rain. (Power off) Eventually found house. Covered in mud. They'd never received our text and had just finished eating. Gutted. Played cards and ate Oreos.

Tues 19th

Tim drove me to 'Tell-Em PR' to ask for job. Had to ask people for directions. Difficult when there are no road names. Said no but gave email for CV.

Beki asked her work if they needed a PR person. Said they may do and will discuss in meeting on Thurs!

Dennis rang. Told him I was busy.

Met John and Sophie for tea. Of all things, discussed what the word 'geek' means. John said he would like to be a geek. Tim said he would like to be more of a geek. What?!

New Luganda words learnt: Oyinza okunya mba ko? - Can you help me?
Bambi - please
Simba - plant (Swahilli - Lion! How lazy were the writers of The Lion King?!)
Sula bulungi - Sleep well

Wed 20th

Went to Kabira Country Club near home for internet. 'Security' level interesting since bombs. Whole car checked on way in.

Conversations:
'Can you open the glove compartment?'
'No, it's locked and we don't have the key.'
'Ok go in.'

'Can I look in your bag?'
'Yes'
Opens bag and peers in yawning.
'Thanks.'

'Walk through the security machine please.'
Beeeeep!
'Just go in.'

Met Jonathan and Mary for lunch. Man came selling copied DVDs, including but not limited to 'Children Learn English', 'Animal Farm' 'Country Classics' and 'Sensual Nights' which apparently you can watch with your girlfriend or boyfriend.

Went to Garden City to the book store. Had notebook taken off me as I entered. Apparently there were others in there that look similar! I don't think they will be written in though will they??

Bought 'The Essentials of Luganda'!


Probably going to campsite tomorrow until Monday.


                                               

My first week in Uganda

I won't bore you with the ins and outs of my trip so far but will just give you highlights (and lowlights) of each day.

Tues 5th Oct

Arrived at 7.45am - plane journey good: managed to watch Toy Story 3 and Letters To Juliet, neither of which I had seen before. Great to see John again.

Wed 6th

John asked whether the spots on my face were 'seasonal'.
A little girl turned up at our gate and we played blowing bubbles for hours.
New Luganda phrases learnt: Maama wo agenze wa? - Where has your mum gone?
Webaka - Sleep time.
Enaanansi - Pineapple.

Thurs 7th

Went swimming at local pool.
Burnt self in sun.
Got back home just before thunder storm.
New Luganda phrase learnt: Njagalayo - I want

Fri 8th

Went to shopping centre on own on a 'bus'. Met a man called Bernard on the bus.
Bought a headset with microphone to talk on Skype.
Returned headset immediately after realising it had cost £60.
Discovered 'Round the Twist' on TV in amongst badly dubbed Spanish soap operas and African Big Brother. Bonus.
New Luganda word learnt: Wangi? - Pardon?

Sat 9th

Went to meet a Korean lady (Joy Kim) who has an orphanage in the middle of nowhere.
On way to Joy Kim's saw accident with boda boda and truck. Not nice.
Had nap in afternoon and woke up with 5p next to my head.
New Luganda phrase learnt: Si mani - I don't know.

Sun 10th

Visited St Luke's church near home. Hideously extravagant when a lot of the congregation are poor.
Visited Ndere Troupe in evening - different African dances - lots of fun, especially when the power cut mid dance. Strangely, got home and saw part of the same troupe performing in China on BBC World News.
New Luganda phrase learnt: Enkuba eneetonya - It is going to rain.

Mon 11th

Met my friend Grace Nnyanzi for a drink.
Left my shopping bag in internet cafe. Went back and it was still there. Phew.

Tues 12th

Went to bar with free internet. Impossible to get on hotmail or yahoo. Gave up after 2 hours.
New Luganda phrase learnt: Nkomawo mangu - I'll be back soon.
Excited about seeing miners come up tomorrow.

Wed 13th

Woke up to watch miners coming out of capsule one by one.
Went to paint window frames on medical centre we are building. Felt good.
Big big thunder storm.
Learnt about something called Mobile Money but need to find out exactly what it is but it sounds really exciting and useful.

My uncle arrives on Friday and I will be seeing my friend Jonathan on Sunday who is out here for 6 weeks.